Raising Resilient Children

Imagine a toddler. This young child sees a candy bar at the store. They know it would taste great and Mom and Dad will surely get it for them. But this time, Dad says no. A meltdown ensues. Tears, screams, throwing of self to the floor in agony of the heartache of not receiving the candy. The child had an expectation and that expectation was not met. The outcome was not what it was supposed to be.

Fast forward several years. Now at 10 years old, the same child wants something from the store. Surely Mom and Dad will get it for them, especially with those magic words of: "Please." But sadly, Mom and Dad say no, as they have done many times over the years. Instead of a tantrum, the older child glances at the floor in disappointment. Then, almost immediately, the child moves on and all is okay in the world.

Why no huge blow up? Why at 10 years old, did the child not throw a fit?

RESILIENCE!

Resilience is the ability to withstand or quickly recover from difficulties. Those difficulties can be large and daunting, or small and inconvenient. But difficulties effect us all to some point.

The reason the older child didn't throw a massive tantrum is because of resilience. The child has been through similar difficulties before. Expectations shattered many times while growing up. However, every time an expectation was knocked down, it's been okay. Life went on. They recovered. This is resilience, and it is the only way to develop real resilience.

Sure attitude plays a huge part, but without having gone through tough situations, no toughness can be built or ability to recover constructed. It is in making it to the other side of the difficulties that confidence in that recovery is forged.

When we absorb the difficulties for our children, we are only saving them from the current, typically insignificant, threat. But mostly, we are hindering their progress in building resilience. It comes through the failure, the unexpected, the shattered expectations, and the heartache.

If we are to help our children develop the toughness to take on the world, we have to step back and allow some of that heartache to find them. We will protect them and teach them, but we cannot fight their battles and drag them to the other side. They must learn what it's like to make it to the other side of their own difficulties. In this way, we will raise resilient children.